Offensive transgender terms: better words, better dating
Finding someone attractive should never mean speaking about them as less than a person.
This guide quotes offensive search terms only to explain why Butterfly challenges them. They are not labels we use for our members.
Why “shemale dating” and “tranny dating” are harmful labels
Someone may type these phrases because they have seen them on other websites and do not know better. That does not make the language respectful. “Shemale” and “tranny” are widely recognised as derogatory terms for trans people. Using them to market a dating community can frame the people in it as a sexual category rather than individuals.
Use “trans dating” or “transgender dating” when describing a service, and use an individual’s own words when speaking to them. GLAAD’s terminology guide identifies these slurs and explains respectful language.
What Butterfly members told us
Butterfly’s original community feedback identified “shemale”, “tranny”, “ladyboy”, “he she”, “she he” and “shim” as terms members found offensive. This was community feedback, not a representative prevalence study.
Context and self-description matter. Some people use or reclaim particular words for themselves; that does not give a stranger permission to impose those labels. In particular, do not assume every trans woman identifies with “ladyboy”, or treat regional or cultural identities as interchangeable.
How the offensive-language filter works
- A recognised offensive term is typed into private chat or messaging.
- Butterfly strikes out the term and adds replacement wording.
- A notice explains that the message contained an offensive term and has been edited.
- The visible correction shows both people that the wording was changed.
This feature was developed after some cisgender members told us they had not realised the words they used were offensive. It makes correction part of the product rather than leaving every conversation to the recipient.
A language tool is not a complete behaviour check. If someone repeatedly ignores boundaries or is abusive, use block and report. See dating safety and our guide to fetishisation and chasers.
TS, transsexual and other search language
Not every unfamiliar term is a slur, and not every word fits every person. Our TS dating guide explains the abbreviation and the importance of following a person’s self-description. Being trans, being intersex and cross-dressing are not interchangeable concepts.
Challenging offensive app marketing
Butterfly contacted Apple and Google about how offensive terms were being used to brand and market dating apps. Read the original open letter and download the source document.
For a broader look at the evidence, read what research and community guidance tell us about offensive dating language.