Transgender dating profiles: your identity, your words
How one member’s feedback helped Butterfly make profiles more personal.
A dating profile should help someone recognise you, not force you into a label that feels wrong. Butterfly’s approach separates the choices used for search from the way members present themselves on their profiles.
The feedback that started the change
In this original account, a member identified as R described what was not working for her. The quotation reflects her own words and experience at the time.
I'd tried various dating sites in the past, but found them all to be rather unsatisfactory; mainstream ones catered poorly for LGBT+ people in general, whilst some LGBT+ were not necessarily any better for trans and intersex people. Trans-specific ones were the worst, fetishising trans people, and frequently disrespectful of the community. When I heard about Butterfly, via an LGBT+ news channel, I thought I'd take a look. It promised to be different, so I set up an account and had a look. There were plenty of matches who weren't hundreds (or even thousands) of miles away, so that was an improvement on some, and it definitely seemed geared up for trans people who might be seeking a serious relationship, rather than just the casual hook-up (though doubtless you could find that if that's your thing, too).
The thing I didn't like was how the site defined me. I was born intersex, raised as a boy, but suffered from gender dysphoria as a result. Some might argue I'm not technically trans, but my experience is surely similar to that of a trans person. I'm a woman; if it requires qualification I'm a woman with an intersex or trans history, but it's seldom necessary. When choosing how to define myself on Butterfly, choosing female automatically defined me as cisgender. If I defined myself as intersex, or trans, it ascribed me a different gender marker from the Venus symbol with which I associate. Small things, perhaps, but it left me feeling uncomfortable. Normally I'd just have deleted my profile and moved on, but I thought whoever was behind Butterfly had tried really hard to get it right, so decided to offer some unsolicited feedback. Although I didn't expect a response David got back to me within the hour, opened a dialogue, and seemed genuinely concerned. I felt if anyone is that responsive and open to developing their product they deserve supporting. A few emails later and David had addressed all my concerns; it's just amazing how keen he has been to get this right. Thank you David!
Making self-description more flexible
Simply adding more search categories would not solve R’s concern. The response was to let members customise their displayed gender description, symbol and default photo independently of the selection used for search.
In R’s example, she selected Intersex and then chose a female default image, the Venus symbol ♀ and the description Female (Intersex). This represented the identity she wanted to show without forcing an inaccurate search selection. It is her example, not a prescribed label for other intersex people.
A profile that can change with you
Members can change gender and sexuality selections later. You can use the same account as your circumstances or preferred description change. Photos are optional, and a choice about a profile field is not an invitation to intrusive questions.
Read how privacy works and how two-way search uses preferences. If an option does not represent you, tell the team.