Trans dating and chasers: you deserve more than a fantasy

Butterfly Dating · Research review · 15 October 2026

Being desired can feel wonderful. Being treated as interchangeable with an idea of “a trans person” can feel very different.

In trans dating, “chaser” is often used for someone whose pursuit centres a fetishised idea of transness rather than the person. It is a community term, not a clinical diagnosis. The practical question is whether someone respects your identity, your wishes and your boundaries.

This research-informed guide looks at published work on fetishisation and offers Butterfly’s practical advice. It is not a new study and does not label individual members.

What research says about feeling fetishised

Anzani and colleagues’ 2021 study analysed accounts from 142 transgender and non-binary volunteers. These were respondents from a wider online study who had answered yes or maybe to feeling fetishised and then described their experiences. The themes included objectification, distress and fear or avoidance, but also positive or mixed experiences. The sample included transmasculine, transfeminine and non-binary people. Read Anzani et al., Archives of Sexual Behavior.

This was an English-language convenience sample, not a representative survey. Participants were not given one fixed definition of fetishisation. Its findings help describe experiences; they do not show what proportion of all trans people feel this way or what percentage of dating-app users are chasers.

Griffiths and Armstrong’s interviews with 15 trans and non-binary dating-app users also identified fetishisation and safety concerns, while recognising the apps’ role in finding connection. That small qualitative study does not measure the prevalence of chasers. Read the study, published online in 2023.

Attraction is not the same as objectification

You do not have to distrust everybody who is attracted to you. A cisgender person dating a trans person, or somebody who has dated trans people before, is not automatically a chaser. Neither is a person seeking a mutually wanted casual relationship.

Butterfly’s standard is how someone behaves: do they see you as a whole person, listen to what you want and accept your choices? A long-term relationship can still involve objectification; a casual connection can still involve care and respect.

There is also no obligation to accept a form of attention simply because someone else enjoys it. Your comfort and consent are yours.

Questions that help you judge the interaction

The following are practical prompts from Butterfly, not a diagnostic checklist or a scoring system validated by the studies.

Are they curious about you?

Notice whether they engage with your interests, humour, goals and answers—or repeatedly redirect everything to your trans identity and body. A question about identity does not by itself reveal someone’s intentions; a pattern of ignoring your answers matters more.

Do they accept a boundary?

If you decline to discuss surgery, send pictures or meet privately, do they accept that without bargaining? Repeated pressure is enough reason to stop, even if you cannot decide what label describes them.

Do they assume your body or role?

Being trans does not establish anatomy, sexual preferences or what you want to do. An interested partner should be willing to learn about mutual comfort when you both choose that conversation.

Are their expectations compatible with yours?

Privacy can be a real need. But if someone demands secrecy or arrangements that make you feel diminished, you can decide that the relationship is not right for you. You do not need to persuade them to offer something different.

Ways to set a boundary without a debate

You can keep the response short. These are example phrases, not quotations from research participants:

“I’m happy to talk about our interests, but I’m not discussing my body with someone I’ve just met.”
“That description does not fit me. Please use the words on my profile.”
“I’m looking for a relationship. It sounds as though we want different things.”
“I’ve said no. I’m ending this conversation.”

You do not have to send a final explanation. If someone threatens, harasses or pressures you, block and report them. Keep personal details private and read the safety guide before making plans to meet.

If you are worried about your own approach

Being attracted to trans people does not require shame. Take responsibility for how you express that attraction. Read profiles, learn independently, ask ordinary questions and accept rejection. Do not expect a date to validate your sexuality or fulfil assumptions from pornography.

If someone tells you a term or question is uncomfortable, listen and change your behaviour. Our guides to dating trans women and respectful terminology are useful starting points.

What Butterfly can do—and what remains your choice

Butterfly’s private messaging replaces recognised offensive terms and marks the correction visibly. Profiles give members control over how they describe their identity. Two-way search considers gender preferences on both sides, and block/report tools let you act on unwanted contact.

These features do not identify every chaser or guarantee someone’s intentions. They are practical tools, alongside your right to decide what you share, whom you answer and whether you meet. Learn about privacy and chat and messaging.

You deserve connection that makes room for your personality, your boundaries and your future. You do not have to accept being somebody’s fantasy in order to be wanted.